Imagine Manuel, a 14-year-old boy who has just moved with his family from Mexico
to the United States. He was terribly anxious about leaving behind his friends, his
school, his familiar neighbourhood in Mexico City. But his parents reassured him that
this move to Los Angeles would open up new opportunities.
At first, the novelty of being in a new country was exciting for Manuel. But once he
started at his new American high school a few weeks later, he felt completely out of
place. The language, slang, fashion, and social dynamics were so unfamiliar
compared to his old school in Mexico. He struggled to understand and be
understood, both linguistically and culturally.
Manuel began feeling extremely self-conscious about his accented English and
Mexican customs that seemed to single him out as different from his American
peers. He had trouble following the rapid-fire English in his classes and found it
impossible to make new friends. Lunchtime was the worst, sitting alone as his
classmates congregated in long-established friend groups he couldn’t find a way into.
At home, Manuel clung to familiar Spanish music, TV shows, and the comforting
foods his mother would cook. But he became depressed and withdrawn, suffering
from intense homesickness. He dreaded going to school each day and his grades
began slipping as he felt increasingly alienated, confused by subtle social cues, and
unable to be his authentic self.
Manuel’s parents, concerned by his drastic change in demeanour, tried to get him to
join clubs or sports to meet new people. But Manuel was gripped by anxiety and fear
of rejection for being the outsider. He lashed out in anger at his parents, claiming
they had ruined his life by moving.
What Manuel was experiencing is extremely common for children and teens thrust
into a new culture before they have developed coping skills. The alienating losses of
leaving his whole support structure behind left him unmoored. The enormous
academic, social and cultural adjustments he faced brought on intense identity
confusion and emotional turmoil. Without mentoring to navigate the cognitive
dissonance, it severely impacted his self-esteem and sense of belonging.
With time, family support, counselling, and bicultural mentors who could normalize
his experience, Manuel could learn to adapt more fluidly across his two cultures. But
those initial years are a real struggle, psychologically and developmentally, for young
people having to renegotiate their core identities across cultures.
